Friday, November 1, 2013
Chio photo dump
I haven't been so good about updating lately. This is partly due to how busy we've been with the move, and partly due to how little time I've had since Chio has started to crawl!! We are spending a lot of our day chasing her around. I love it. Here are some photos from that past few weeks. Enjoy!
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Friday, October 18, 2013
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Monday, September 23, 2013
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Chio at 7 months
We are having so much fun with our Chunky girl these days. She is sitting up a lot, can roll across the room if she wants something, and she loves to babble. She is still chewing on everything, but we have yet to see the teeth. She is 26 inches long and about 19 lbs. She wears clothing that is size 9-12 months (!). She still loves her caterpiller, but loves books the most. We read to her all the time and she even likes to take a turn reading herself! She's a little more difficult to get down to sleep because she has a whole slew of things she can do to keep herself awake. Mostly pulling on her ear, rolling over or scratching the bed rail. She waves her arms in the air when she is excited and it's probably the most adorable thing I've ever seen. I still mostly wear her in the ring sling and we both love the extra snuggle time. Daddy prefers the stroller. She does well in that too. She loves to grab anything we have in our hands so eating is getting tougher. Speaking of eating, though she shows a lot of interest in our eating, she's not yet a fan of solid foods. She makes the greatest faces when she tastes something and then gags and moves on to the next activity. We're not pushing it. Her laugh is getting more robust and it is my favorite sound. She is still a huge fan of Peek-a-boo which we could spend hours playing, but tickling gets a good amount of laughs too. She pulls off her hats, gives sloppy kisses, and loves grabbing her feet. She is, without a doubt, the most amazing baby that I've every met:)
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Monday, September 2, 2013
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Chio's venture into food
Her gums were really bothering her last night, so I put a chunk of frozen banana into a mesh teether thingy. She really liked it! Enjoy!
Chio Eats A Banana
Chio Eats A Banana
Friday, August 9, 2013
Chio at 5.5 months
This girl won't quit. I thought she moved a lot in the belly, but she's non-stop movement now. We recently took her on a mini vacation to a hotel in Weschester, specifically to watch her splash around in the pool. It was an amazing, much-needed escape from our apartment life.
She's an athlete for sure.
Other lovely things:
-She is very expressive with her hands. It's so fun to watch her little digits become more dexterous.
-She's crazy for rolling. Loves it now after her first few "what was that" moments. Now she does it constantly.
-She thinks mommy is funny. She's got this little chuckle that is so precious. I will act like a total fool at any time of day in front of any person to illicit her giggle. She likes it when I bark:)
-PEEK-A-BOO. nuff said.
-She had a lick of dad's banana the other day. She smiled, but we don't think she's quite ready for solids yet. She pushes things out of her mouth still with her tongue, and isn't quite sitting up on her own yet, so we're going to wait a while.
-We read a lot. Thank god for board books, because she chews on everything. Favorites include The Very Hungary Caterpillar, any Sandra Boyton books, and Elmo Guess Who.
-She is constantly covered in drool. Those teeth are giving her a really hard time. We can see them through the gums, but they have yet to surface. Growing teeth is hard.
Sleep is getting a little challenging. She is constant movement in her sleep too. She takes up a good portion of the bed and I am not allowed to sleep without being turned towards her or she'll freak out. Boobs must be accessible at all times. She knows what she wants, that's for sure. She also grinds her gums which is odd to me. Christian says it's the exact same movement I make with my jaw in my sleep. It makes a gross clicking sound. I hope she grows out of it, though I still haven't.
I love this girl.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Back-to-front rolling!!
I was only able to catch her mid-role, but it's still pretty awesome! She rolled over so she could bury her face in her favorite Very Hungry Caterpillar book. I'm so proud:)
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Chio waking up from her nap
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FK0a06TKGU&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Fun Play Date
Today we had lunch with our friend Tara and her twin girls. Though they are 4+ months older than Chio, all three of the girls are about the same size. They also have a lot of fun toys that Chio has never been exposed to. Tara and I had a great time watching them all play.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Saturday, July 6, 2013
4 month visit-rant alert
We had a pediatric well-baby visit yesterday. We left feeling very un-well.
First, the good stuff: Chio is a full 16lbs6oz, and 25.5 inches long. This puts her in the 90% for weight AND height (or length, you know what I mean). In addition, she is meeting all the milestones: lifts head, starting to roll, smiles, babbles, etc. All signs were pointing to greatness, which we knew. She is an amazing baby.
Then came the downer. First, our pediatrician asked us if we were using the vitamin D supplements. Well, Christian and I had been discussing it since recommended at our very first pediatric appointment. First of all she is exclusively breastfed. (Fun fact: The vitamin D in breast milk is the most easily absorbed. Also, she couldn't recommend a brand without sugar or dye and didn't bother to ask about my diet) Secondly, since I am not Vitamin D deficient I assume she was born with ample stores. Thirdly, we don't live in a place that lacks sunlight. She gets outside daily. We felt confident that Chio was not at risk for vitamin D deficiency. Our pediatrician interrupted me almost immediately when explaining our reasoning. She stated that breast milk had NO vitamin D in it (WRONG). Then she said it's also time to start iron supplements because breast milk has no iron in it (close, but still WRONG). THEN she started telling us that we needed to put her on a feeding schedule, spacing her feedings (in fact she talked about distracting her when hungry) to every 3-4 hours because, and I quote "really what she's doing is snacking". She finished this nonsensical rant with "that way she won't wake up so often at night and you can get some sleep". After the last statement our jaws were on the floor. I think she noticed because she then politely asked us how we were sleeping. HELLO! We sleep amazingly well. We have bragged about it for a while now. On average, she wakes up to feed once or twice a night which was our pediatrician's whole goal with this artificial "schedule". Why would someone try to give us advice on sleeping well before asking us how we're sleeping? We didn't even approach our sleeping arrangement (in the bed) because I know she is against it and I am not willing to budge.
To further piss us off, while she was talking about a feeding schedule she was looking directly at me, even though we had already explained that I am back at work and that Christian is home with her during the day. I kept pointing to him when she asked questions about bottles and ounces. It was almost aggressive how she chose to completely ignore the fact that HE is the one that feeds her for most of the day. It was like she couldn't shake her gender stereotypes. Strange for a working mom, don't you think?
UGH.
Then Chio had to get shots. She screamed, cried and then fell asleep for a couple hours. When she woke up she was her happy self. A low-grade fever through the night, but she is absolutely sunny this morning. We are still unsure if we made the right decision to give her ALL the vaccines so young, but I am still a believer in some mainstream things, vaccines being one of them.
So what, you may ask, gives me the right to go against the Doctor's advice (my Grandmother would be horrified)? Basically this: I am an expert in my child. As is Christian. Since before her birth Christian and I have practiced attachment parenting and we are the only ones she spends time with. We are attentive, nurturing and in touch with our baby's needs. Furthermore, one has only to look at her to know she is healthy and well cared for. We may end up giving her supplements (once I check pros and cons), but a respectful approach to our particular situation and honest conversation would have been nice. Not all families are the same!!
I look forward to interviewing pediatricians in Olympia. I look forward to being supported in my (completely healthy, rational, deeply-personal, and evidence-based) parenting decisions. I may not be a perfect clinician myself, but I do see it as my job to support a mother's intuition in the way she approaches her self-care and that of her baby. I do my best to avoid treating all patients the same, looking at their individual needs and circumstances. I am looking for a pediatrician that practices this way too.
First, the good stuff: Chio is a full 16lbs6oz, and 25.5 inches long. This puts her in the 90% for weight AND height (or length, you know what I mean). In addition, she is meeting all the milestones: lifts head, starting to roll, smiles, babbles, etc. All signs were pointing to greatness, which we knew. She is an amazing baby.
Then came the downer. First, our pediatrician asked us if we were using the vitamin D supplements. Well, Christian and I had been discussing it since recommended at our very first pediatric appointment. First of all she is exclusively breastfed. (Fun fact: The vitamin D in breast milk is the most easily absorbed. Also, she couldn't recommend a brand without sugar or dye and didn't bother to ask about my diet) Secondly, since I am not Vitamin D deficient I assume she was born with ample stores. Thirdly, we don't live in a place that lacks sunlight. She gets outside daily. We felt confident that Chio was not at risk for vitamin D deficiency. Our pediatrician interrupted me almost immediately when explaining our reasoning. She stated that breast milk had NO vitamin D in it (WRONG). Then she said it's also time to start iron supplements because breast milk has no iron in it (close, but still WRONG). THEN she started telling us that we needed to put her on a feeding schedule, spacing her feedings (in fact she talked about distracting her when hungry) to every 3-4 hours because, and I quote "really what she's doing is snacking". She finished this nonsensical rant with "that way she won't wake up so often at night and you can get some sleep". After the last statement our jaws were on the floor. I think she noticed because she then politely asked us how we were sleeping. HELLO! We sleep amazingly well. We have bragged about it for a while now. On average, she wakes up to feed once or twice a night which was our pediatrician's whole goal with this artificial "schedule". Why would someone try to give us advice on sleeping well before asking us how we're sleeping? We didn't even approach our sleeping arrangement (in the bed) because I know she is against it and I am not willing to budge.
To further piss us off, while she was talking about a feeding schedule she was looking directly at me, even though we had already explained that I am back at work and that Christian is home with her during the day. I kept pointing to him when she asked questions about bottles and ounces. It was almost aggressive how she chose to completely ignore the fact that HE is the one that feeds her for most of the day. It was like she couldn't shake her gender stereotypes. Strange for a working mom, don't you think?
UGH.
Then Chio had to get shots. She screamed, cried and then fell asleep for a couple hours. When she woke up she was her happy self. A low-grade fever through the night, but she is absolutely sunny this morning. We are still unsure if we made the right decision to give her ALL the vaccines so young, but I am still a believer in some mainstream things, vaccines being one of them.
So what, you may ask, gives me the right to go against the Doctor's advice (my Grandmother would be horrified)? Basically this: I am an expert in my child. As is Christian. Since before her birth Christian and I have practiced attachment parenting and we are the only ones she spends time with. We are attentive, nurturing and in touch with our baby's needs. Furthermore, one has only to look at her to know she is healthy and well cared for. We may end up giving her supplements (once I check pros and cons), but a respectful approach to our particular situation and honest conversation would have been nice. Not all families are the same!!
I look forward to interviewing pediatricians in Olympia. I look forward to being supported in my (completely healthy, rational, deeply-personal, and evidence-based) parenting decisions. I may not be a perfect clinician myself, but I do see it as my job to support a mother's intuition in the way she approaches her self-care and that of her baby. I do my best to avoid treating all patients the same, looking at their individual needs and circumstances. I am looking for a pediatrician that practices this way too.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Anniversary
Christian just turned 31. I celebrate my birthday July 7th. But another very important anniversary befalls us this week.
One year ago today, July 2nd, I found out I was pregnant!
I remember the day vividly. I had expected the pregnancy test to come out negative. So much so, that I didn't even watch the test in progress. Instead I reasoned with my friend Linda about how hard I had worked out that morning and my latest raw juice cleanse, thinking it was the reason for my nausea. I remember her screaming while I my eyes darted back and forth, back and forth between the two lines and her excited face. Complete disbelief. How had she switched tests to play this prank on me? Who was really pregnant? Maybe she was. I certainly didn't feel "with child". I wasn't ready. Sure, babies are great, but having babies is something grown-ups do. Well, my little brother had a baby. But that was him. I live in a one-bedroom. Despite our best efforts, Christian and I were still living paycheck-to-paycheck with a mountain of student loan debt. Why was Linda playing this trick on me? I know she loved being a mom, but she's smart and energetic. I just want to make it through my work day to go home and take a nap...
...and so my irrational, disordered, frantic mind turned. Over and over for, I'm a little embarrassed to say, many weeks into my pregnancy. I was afraid to share the news, thinking I would be judged. For what, I wasn't sure. Tears appeared out of nowhere, practically daily. I was terrified, tired, and buzzing with nerves.
Telling Chris the news made it real. I wrapped a onesie as a birthday present and watched with fist-sized butterflies in my stomach as he slowly opened it and realized the deeper meaning. I remember him jumping up and grabbing me, pulling me into his chest, promising to work really hard. I cried happy tears, finally, knowing with a deep certainty that I had chosen the right person to share the journey.
I now know that the uncertainty, excitement and fear I felt is normal. Its size is on-par with the transformation involved in pregnancy and birth. No one can tell you how to get through it, but they hold a space for you on the other side of the tunnel, knowing all along that you'll make to that place of joy, elation and unbridled love.
Through it all, the excitement and support shown by my amazing husband and closest friends helped me accept. It was no longer about me, my body had already decided that. All of my resources were going to this new bundle of cells. By the time she arrived my mind and heart had caught up and I was ready to meet this new person.
I had no idea one year ago the many ways I would be changed by becoming a mother. It's an indescribable transformation. So on this anniversary I nod my head to all the women out there just finding out they are pregnant who are struggling to grasp the news. I am holding a space for you too, knowing that when you get through the tunnel you'll marvel at the ways you've changed.
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One year ago today, July 2nd, I found out I was pregnant!
I remember the day vividly. I had expected the pregnancy test to come out negative. So much so, that I didn't even watch the test in progress. Instead I reasoned with my friend Linda about how hard I had worked out that morning and my latest raw juice cleanse, thinking it was the reason for my nausea. I remember her screaming while I my eyes darted back and forth, back and forth between the two lines and her excited face. Complete disbelief. How had she switched tests to play this prank on me? Who was really pregnant? Maybe she was. I certainly didn't feel "with child". I wasn't ready. Sure, babies are great, but having babies is something grown-ups do. Well, my little brother had a baby. But that was him. I live in a one-bedroom. Despite our best efforts, Christian and I were still living paycheck-to-paycheck with a mountain of student loan debt. Why was Linda playing this trick on me? I know she loved being a mom, but she's smart and energetic. I just want to make it through my work day to go home and take a nap...
...and so my irrational, disordered, frantic mind turned. Over and over for, I'm a little embarrassed to say, many weeks into my pregnancy. I was afraid to share the news, thinking I would be judged. For what, I wasn't sure. Tears appeared out of nowhere, practically daily. I was terrified, tired, and buzzing with nerves.
Telling Chris the news made it real. I wrapped a onesie as a birthday present and watched with fist-sized butterflies in my stomach as he slowly opened it and realized the deeper meaning. I remember him jumping up and grabbing me, pulling me into his chest, promising to work really hard. I cried happy tears, finally, knowing with a deep certainty that I had chosen the right person to share the journey.
I now know that the uncertainty, excitement and fear I felt is normal. Its size is on-par with the transformation involved in pregnancy and birth. No one can tell you how to get through it, but they hold a space for you on the other side of the tunnel, knowing all along that you'll make to that place of joy, elation and unbridled love.
Through it all, the excitement and support shown by my amazing husband and closest friends helped me accept. It was no longer about me, my body had already decided that. All of my resources were going to this new bundle of cells. By the time she arrived my mind and heart had caught up and I was ready to meet this new person.
I had no idea one year ago the many ways I would be changed by becoming a mother. It's an indescribable transformation. So on this anniversary I nod my head to all the women out there just finding out they are pregnant who are struggling to grasp the news. I am holding a space for you too, knowing that when you get through the tunnel you'll marvel at the ways you've changed.
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Sunday, June 30, 2013
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Chio at 4 Months!
To celebrate 4 fabulous months with our little girl we had a day at Inwood park. The three of us took some food, some toys, a book and the camera and camped out. It was lovely. I can't believe how big she is!
At 4 months she:
Is eating about 4 bottles or 12 oz while with Daddy during Mommy's work day.
Sometimes visits Mommy at work for a snack and a cuddle.
Is sleeping from approximately 9pm to 9am, though likes to sleep in till 10 on Mommy's days off.
Is taking 2 naps a day, one around 11 and another sometime in the afternoon.
Can roll from back to each side. Also pivots around her activity mat quite a lot.
Loves when Daddy sings to her, plays with her in the mirror and pulls her up to standing.
LOVES standing.
Goes most places in the carrier, often falling asleep.
Doesn't have any teeth yet, but has all the symptoms of teething, especially drool!!
Pulls many things into her mouth with both hands.
"Talks" a LOT! Especially in the mornings.
Is fascinated by her feet.
Is fascinated by watching people eat.
Loves her Caterpillar and the giraffe on the activity mat.
Is about 25 inches long and 16 lbs.
At 4 months she:
Is eating about 4 bottles or 12 oz while with Daddy during Mommy's work day.
Sometimes visits Mommy at work for a snack and a cuddle.
Is sleeping from approximately 9pm to 9am, though likes to sleep in till 10 on Mommy's days off.
Is taking 2 naps a day, one around 11 and another sometime in the afternoon.
Can roll from back to each side. Also pivots around her activity mat quite a lot.
Loves when Daddy sings to her, plays with her in the mirror and pulls her up to standing.
LOVES standing.
Goes most places in the carrier, often falling asleep.
Doesn't have any teeth yet, but has all the symptoms of teething, especially drool!!
Pulls many things into her mouth with both hands.
"Talks" a LOT! Especially in the mornings.
Is fascinated by her feet.
Is fascinated by watching people eat.
Loves her Caterpillar and the giraffe on the activity mat.
Is about 25 inches long and 16 lbs.
Fears about raising a girl
The new Miley Cyrus video has me terrified. No joke, it kept me up last night. Watch, only if you're brave: scary stuff
Luckily, I read this article this morning. I am tempted to write my own. Having a clear vision of what I want to teach my daughter will keep me from being terrified of the Mileys of the world and their influence.
Here is another article I enjoyed:
How to Talk to Little Girls (Creepy title, but I liked what it had to say)
Luckily, I read this article this morning. I am tempted to write my own. Having a clear vision of what I want to teach my daughter will keep me from being terrified of the Mileys of the world and their influence.
Here is another article I enjoyed:
How to Talk to Little Girls (Creepy title, but I liked what it had to say)
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Horse pucky
NYC Dads Group (@NYCDadsGroup) tweeted at 2:01 AM on Thu, Jun 20, 2013: Does it really matter who the family breadwinner is? We say: No. Article
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Not about the family....
....But interesting to me.
Today I read these two very different articles. I know adolescence will come far too soon. I wonder how Christian and I will decide to protect Chio. Most likely we will have frank discussions about the risks of sex. We will definitely be keeping up with this research and not just because I am counseling other people's daughters about it.
Pro
Con
For the record, I was too old to get this vaccine when it was widely available (you can only get it up to 26 years old). Everything I was given to read about it in nursing school was Pro, and we were even given an article that discredited the theory of its connection with Guillen-Barre. However, I have always been suspicious of how quickly this vaccine was pushed on adolescent girls. I remember reading that someone in Virginia wanted to make it mandatory for girls to be able to attend public high school. I find that ridiculous as I'm most certain cervical cancer has never been diagnosed in a high schooler. WTF.
Today I read these two very different articles. I know adolescence will come far too soon. I wonder how Christian and I will decide to protect Chio. Most likely we will have frank discussions about the risks of sex. We will definitely be keeping up with this research and not just because I am counseling other people's daughters about it.
Pro
Con
For the record, I was too old to get this vaccine when it was widely available (you can only get it up to 26 years old). Everything I was given to read about it in nursing school was Pro, and we were even given an article that discredited the theory of its connection with Guillen-Barre. However, I have always been suspicious of how quickly this vaccine was pushed on adolescent girls. I remember reading that someone in Virginia wanted to make it mandatory for girls to be able to attend public high school. I find that ridiculous as I'm most certain cervical cancer has never been diagnosed in a high schooler. WTF.
Week three
Returning back to work has been easier in some ways, and more difficult in others, than I expected. I've gotten better at getting out the door, however am still taking cabs more than I'd like to admit. The busyness of my job makes the days go by quicker so I'm not missing her sooooo much (but still missing her a LOT). I've had a plugged duct twice which is really painful and exhausting. This week my milk supply has been much much less than it was the past two weeks. Finding chances to pump has been difficult. kellymom.com has been good to us, very informative.
As you can tell by the brevity and bland nature of this entry, we are very tired over here in camp Malvaez.
As you can tell by the brevity and bland nature of this entry, we are very tired over here in camp Malvaez.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
It's the Water: Crazy Family Life-Changing Adventure
As it was here that we announced our first drastic life-changing adventure (that of becoming parents), we are happy to announce our latest plans: we are moving back to Olympia!!
That's right, folks. We have made the difficult decision to leave New York. Why difficult? Well, we've put a lot of work into making our lives here over the past six years. We have stable jobs, LOVELY friends, and a sincere appreciation for the city and what it has to offer. However, when discussing our deepest desires for our child (and her probable future siblings), as well as for our own lives, Olympia has won out yet again.
There's a popular belief that anyone who has drunk water from the Artesian Well is destined to return to Olympia. This will be my third time moving to Olympia. First for college at The Evergreen State University, "Go Geoducks". Second, a return after an ill-planned but life-altering year in Oaxaca, Mexico. For the third time around, I am looking forward to learning about all the amazing things this artsy, crunchy, diverse, rainy town has going for it so many years later.
It looks like the move will take place at the end of October. I have given notice at work and was grateful for the kind words from my bosses. I have told a few select friends and felt blessed to be met with such a mix of support and open regret at our not being around. We have started the slow, painful process of planning the actual move. (Look for entry " It's the Water: Crazy Family Life Changing Adventure Part 2, coming soon") So stay tuned for more details and rants to come.
That's right, folks. We have made the difficult decision to leave New York. Why difficult? Well, we've put a lot of work into making our lives here over the past six years. We have stable jobs, LOVELY friends, and a sincere appreciation for the city and what it has to offer. However, when discussing our deepest desires for our child (and her probable future siblings), as well as for our own lives, Olympia has won out yet again.
There's a popular belief that anyone who has drunk water from the Artesian Well is destined to return to Olympia. This will be my third time moving to Olympia. First for college at The Evergreen State University, "Go Geoducks". Second, a return after an ill-planned but life-altering year in Oaxaca, Mexico. For the third time around, I am looking forward to learning about all the amazing things this artsy, crunchy, diverse, rainy town has going for it so many years later.
It looks like the move will take place at the end of October. I have given notice at work and was grateful for the kind words from my bosses. I have told a few select friends and felt blessed to be met with such a mix of support and open regret at our not being around. We have started the slow, painful process of planning the actual move. (Look for entry " It's the Water: Crazy Family Life Changing Adventure Part 2, coming soon") So stay tuned for more details and rants to come.
(Not my tattoo)
Saturday, June 8, 2013
First day back at work
Ok, so not only did I have to come down off the high of vacation, I had to go back to work!!! To be honest, Saturday night (the night before my first shift) I seriously contemplated backing out completely. Like quitting. Like calling my boss crying and confessing that "I just can't do it". But everyone said "you'll be OK". And, for the most part, they were right.
If you're not familiar with how midwives are scheduled in a hospital setting, it goes a little something like this: We see patients all day in "clinic" which is scheduled in 15 minute slots. Unless it is a pregnant woman's first time being seen, they get 45 min. "All day" usually means 8 hours, but sometimes there is a late clinic, going until 8pm. That means 12 hours of seeing patients every 15 minutes. We are also scheduled in Labor and Delivery where we oversee and support laboring women and do deliveries. We also see women who have just given birth and support them with healing, breast feeding and getting ready to go home. These shifts are usually 12 hours.
So this week I had one labor and delivery shift (12 hours), two regular clinic shifts (8 hours each) and one late clinic day (12 hours). The plus side: only 4 days of work which means more days at home with my baby. The down side: 40 hours! 40 hours away from my baby! 2-3 times pumping a day. A million phone calls home just to "check in". 100 or so patients that I want to give my full attention to but can't because my boobs hurt, my heart hurts, and my head is spinning. The math just doesn't add up.
How was I to prepare for this rude adjustment to my life? Oh, here's the fun part. Having only breastfed, except once or twice when the grandparents were in town, Chio has never taken a bottle. So Chris and I had to spend our last few vacation days trying to get her used to the idea. Which meant I had to keep leaving the house in order for the two of them to give it a good shot. I was a mess, but Chris was amazing. He made sure to keep me updated. He kept cool (for the most part) and Chio adjusted to it by day 3. But the whole thing just felt...unnatural.
Sunday comes. I'm supposed to be on Labor and Delivery at 7 am. I have my pump packed, my lunch packed and my MetroCard ready to go. Oh, but wait, Chio is waking up. So, of course, I lay down and nurse her. Christian does his best to get me out the door on time, but I can't bring myself to leave. When Chio falls asleep and I am finally ready to go (sniff, sniff), but the only way I can make it to work on time is by taking a ($12) cab. Day one and I've already violated our agreement. See, I HAVE to work. Chris has gone down to part-time in order to stay with Chio. This means tightening our belts. This means NO EXTRA EXPENSES....like cabs. Oh well. I packed my lunch for the day, so I figure it evens out.
Once I get to work I am greeted by my lovely coworkers, who I've missed dearly, and have two women in labor. OK, I can do this. I put on my brave face and start preparing for a delivery. Wouldn't it just be my luck, though, she ends up having a difficult birth (I had to call in the Doctor for a vacuum) and I am left shaky and self-doubting. And it's already time to pump.
I get a few ounces out, and it's time for lady #2 to start pushing. Luckily, this one goes well and I remember that I do, in fact, love my job. But I have to eat, like NOW, or I will pass out.
So I stuff some carrots in my face, write my notes and it's time to see the post-partum ladies. I enjoy visiting with them and am sending them home, but have to remember the many tedious steps on the computer to do so. In addition I have to speak with the social worker and the nurses about one of them because her baby may have to stay for observation. No. NO! I can't ask her to leave her baby. Absolutely not. The nurse argues that there are no free beds on the floor for mom to stay. This means little to me. I try to stay calm while talking to this mom about all the possible outcomes and she is crying, telling me she absolutely can't leave her baby at the hospital and go home. My mommy side is all atingle and I fight back crying right along with her, remembering the first, sweet, night at home with Chio. Cuddling and trying to get the hang of breast feeding. Of course not, or course not. In the end, the baby was discharged too so all was well. I sent them off with smiles and completely genuine well-wishes. But it was a good reminder that I am not the same. I am working in a system that is completely removed from the realities of the very vulnerable and magical time around having a baby. I, again, contemplate quitting. A hug and a few laughs with one of the residents gets me centered. I check my phone and Christian has texted saying that he and Chio are doing well. And...
It's time to pump again. So I eat my turkey sandwich while I pump in the call room. Relieved that I have lived through all of this already, unsure how much more I can take. The thing that is keeping me going is knowing that Christian and Chio plan to visit so that I can nurse and cuddle her and feel like me again.
Here is a picture of when they visited:
You can see that Chio is not into it. But that smile I have on my face is for real.
(The woman sitting next to us is my attending. She has two sons under five and was awesome about understanding my pumping needs and how tender I felt on that day. )
I see a few more patients triage, catch up with the nurses, pump once more (hey, I'm getting pretty good at it!) and before I know I am giving report and getting ready to go home. Waiting for the train seems like torture so I take another cab (darn it) home. But this face is so worth it!
If you're not familiar with how midwives are scheduled in a hospital setting, it goes a little something like this: We see patients all day in "clinic" which is scheduled in 15 minute slots. Unless it is a pregnant woman's first time being seen, they get 45 min. "All day" usually means 8 hours, but sometimes there is a late clinic, going until 8pm. That means 12 hours of seeing patients every 15 minutes. We are also scheduled in Labor and Delivery where we oversee and support laboring women and do deliveries. We also see women who have just given birth and support them with healing, breast feeding and getting ready to go home. These shifts are usually 12 hours.
So this week I had one labor and delivery shift (12 hours), two regular clinic shifts (8 hours each) and one late clinic day (12 hours). The plus side: only 4 days of work which means more days at home with my baby. The down side: 40 hours! 40 hours away from my baby! 2-3 times pumping a day. A million phone calls home just to "check in". 100 or so patients that I want to give my full attention to but can't because my boobs hurt, my heart hurts, and my head is spinning. The math just doesn't add up.
How was I to prepare for this rude adjustment to my life? Oh, here's the fun part. Having only breastfed, except once or twice when the grandparents were in town, Chio has never taken a bottle. So Chris and I had to spend our last few vacation days trying to get her used to the idea. Which meant I had to keep leaving the house in order for the two of them to give it a good shot. I was a mess, but Chris was amazing. He made sure to keep me updated. He kept cool (for the most part) and Chio adjusted to it by day 3. But the whole thing just felt...unnatural.
Sunday comes. I'm supposed to be on Labor and Delivery at 7 am. I have my pump packed, my lunch packed and my MetroCard ready to go. Oh, but wait, Chio is waking up. So, of course, I lay down and nurse her. Christian does his best to get me out the door on time, but I can't bring myself to leave. When Chio falls asleep and I am finally ready to go (sniff, sniff), but the only way I can make it to work on time is by taking a ($12) cab. Day one and I've already violated our agreement. See, I HAVE to work. Chris has gone down to part-time in order to stay with Chio. This means tightening our belts. This means NO EXTRA EXPENSES....like cabs. Oh well. I packed my lunch for the day, so I figure it evens out.
Once I get to work I am greeted by my lovely coworkers, who I've missed dearly, and have two women in labor. OK, I can do this. I put on my brave face and start preparing for a delivery. Wouldn't it just be my luck, though, she ends up having a difficult birth (I had to call in the Doctor for a vacuum) and I am left shaky and self-doubting. And it's already time to pump.
I get a few ounces out, and it's time for lady #2 to start pushing. Luckily, this one goes well and I remember that I do, in fact, love my job. But I have to eat, like NOW, or I will pass out.
So I stuff some carrots in my face, write my notes and it's time to see the post-partum ladies. I enjoy visiting with them and am sending them home, but have to remember the many tedious steps on the computer to do so. In addition I have to speak with the social worker and the nurses about one of them because her baby may have to stay for observation. No. NO! I can't ask her to leave her baby. Absolutely not. The nurse argues that there are no free beds on the floor for mom to stay. This means little to me. I try to stay calm while talking to this mom about all the possible outcomes and she is crying, telling me she absolutely can't leave her baby at the hospital and go home. My mommy side is all atingle and I fight back crying right along with her, remembering the first, sweet, night at home with Chio. Cuddling and trying to get the hang of breast feeding. Of course not, or course not. In the end, the baby was discharged too so all was well. I sent them off with smiles and completely genuine well-wishes. But it was a good reminder that I am not the same. I am working in a system that is completely removed from the realities of the very vulnerable and magical time around having a baby. I, again, contemplate quitting. A hug and a few laughs with one of the residents gets me centered. I check my phone and Christian has texted saying that he and Chio are doing well. And...
It's time to pump again. So I eat my turkey sandwich while I pump in the call room. Relieved that I have lived through all of this already, unsure how much more I can take. The thing that is keeping me going is knowing that Christian and Chio plan to visit so that I can nurse and cuddle her and feel like me again.
Here is a picture of when they visited:
You can see that Chio is not into it. But that smile I have on my face is for real.
(The woman sitting next to us is my attending. She has two sons under five and was awesome about understanding my pumping needs and how tender I felt on that day. )
I see a few more patients triage, catch up with the nurses, pump once more (hey, I'm getting pretty good at it!) and before I know I am giving report and getting ready to go home. Waiting for the train seems like torture so I take another cab (darn it) home. But this face is so worth it!
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Epic Vacation Pt. 3
Soon we were off to Oregon again. This time to see my Mom and Auntie Gail.
Chio had her first experience in a pool! We took pictures which I need to scan.
Once back in Olympia, we visited with friends Bibiana and her son Alexis, as well as Gelasia who was visiting from Mexico.
The vacation, of course, ended far too soon. We look forward to seeing all of these people more often and watching all the children grow up together.
Epic Vacation Pt. 2
After Louis's birth we headed down to Lafayette, Oregon so that Chio could meet her cousin, Kohner, visit with her grandparents and aunt and uncle, and see where her mama grew up.
We also had a nice BBQ with Aunt Kristen.
We were visited by my high school friends Nikki Kartchner and Leslie Levanger (who had boy #4 the very next day!!)
After Lafayette, we were back up to Olympia to bask in the peaceful new baby-ness at Kandi's.
While Aaron and Kandi took Louis to his first Doctor's appointment, Christian and I had the honor of spending time with Lazlo. We went to the Farmers' Market and to Old School Pizzaria.
That week we also had dinner with friends Ellen and Octavio, and Christian's former ESL teacher and current friend Pat and her husband Toby. Chio turned on the charm!
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