Early in my pregnancy a good friend told me "Don't be the Pregnant Midwife, just be Jenn: Pregnant". I appreciated the sentiment behind her advice. Basically she was telling me not to stress the idealistic view of pregnancy and birth that I had created by reading too much Ina May and watching too many Russian waterbirth videos. She was telling me just to experience it on my own and be open to what it teaches me. That being said, it is a very unique situation to be pregnant in my profession. As another friend once put it, it's like the ultimate internship.
The Cons of being a pregnant midwife:
1) Increased sense of smell/gag reflex. Let's face it, my job has a lot of fluids and other things that would induce vomiting in the average Jane. To a certain point I had become desensitized. However, pregnancy just intensifies every scent. Ew.
2) Knowing too much. I've seen A LOT in my brief time in the Bronx. Things that I wasn't warned about in school. Things that I can't even explain to a lay person. Things that just shouldn't be in your head during the "happiest time of your life". It did bring me quite a bit of anxiety in the beginning of pregnancy, and I imagine will give me pause in my later months. The plus side of this is learning how to deal with anxieties as they come up, a practice in living in the moment.
3) Lack of sleep/Pregnancy brain makes me ineffective at work. There are certain nights that I'm up a hundred times for no reason. There are also days that, no matter how much sleep I've had, I just don't seem to be able to concentrate. This makes me slow at work and I often feel as though I'm missing details. Not a good combination at my job. Luckily, I have a great and understanding team. More on that later.
4) Getting light headed/dizzy when pushing with a patient. More than once I've had to sit during second stage and ask a resident or attending to stand by. My worst fear is falling face-first into someone's vagina because I fainted during pushing. This has taught me a lot though. I can ask for help. I need to breathe while the patient is pushing. I need to wait to put on the gown until the head is crowning, otherwise I get WAY too hot. Also, probably not a good idea to put my face at perineum level if I'm not feeling well. I'll just keep the bed unbroken, thanks.
5) Hunger kills. I cannot work long clinic or floor shifts without a bevy of snacks at the ready or I become a grouchy, incoherent fool. When the little girl is hungry I cannot put anyone else's needs ahead of hers, I MUST EAT. This is not a con so much, just an inconvenience. Gone are the days when I would work straight through my morning panel and into the afternoon and finish by five with all of my charts and billing done. Now I must eat breakfast upon arrival at the hospital (even though I ate at home), snack by 11, meal at 1, another snack at 3 and munch on something while I'm finishing up notes. Makes for a longer, slower day.
6) Assumption that it's easy for me just because I know a lot. Wrong. Pregnancy is still really, really weird to go through. Christian and I have had to have more than one discussion on why we should go to childbirth classes. Being a midwife doesn't make me magical. I still have to push this baby out like the rest of my patients and that is not something I have done before. That being said, I realize that most of it is instinct. Now if I could only turn off my brain...
The Pros of being a pregnant midwife:
1) Knowledge of easy relief for common discomforts. Kegels, my friend, are vital. I know that the pain on my side is common and not dangerous. I know that the having to pee every five minutes will return in the third trimester. I know which medications I can safely take without having to wait for my next appointment. This makes me feel more at-ease than I imagine I would be had I not studied pregnancy.
2) Amazing coworkers!! They are kind, sympathetic and experienced. Many are wise mothers themselves. I'm rarely allowed to lift things or stand too long at work. They are ridiculously excited about my expanding belly. They make me laugh. They make helpful suggestions. Nothing I say to them about my pregnancy symptoms or anxieties is weird. They ease my heavy load. I am eternally grateful to them.
3) Access to dopplers/sonos. Now, I don't make use of this one often, but I'll be honest: when especially concerned about Chio's well-being it is nice to be able to hear her heartbeat. It is less necessary now that I feel her moving, but in the first trimester I will admit to taking a listen. It was probably partly just to reinforce that I was really pregnant, not just psychosematically so. Christian and I made a pact that I would not find out the gender without him, but had I wanted to, I know my friends in sono would have hooked me up. I know more than one pregnant lady that would kill for access to this convenience. However, being a midwife also makes me cautious about overuse of sonos, so I didn't go nuts.
4) The Patients!! They are thrilled to share my pregnancy with me. They love hearing that I have the same symptoms they do. They all wanna know where I'm delivering, what the gender is, is my husband excited, how long I will work. They rub my belly and squeal like the rest of my friends. They tell me details and ask me intimate questions that they probably wouldn't ask if they didn't see me as "one of them". I finally have street cred! In addition, they are teaching me soooo much.
5) Freebies: from floradix to bio oil. I went to the ACNM conference at the perfect time!
6) Easy access to the latest research/journals and multiple medical opinions. I work with a lot of really intelligent people. Whoa.
So, there's a little glimpse into all the things that have been on my mind lately. I have to go eat now.
The Cons of being a pregnant midwife:
1) Increased sense of smell/gag reflex. Let's face it, my job has a lot of fluids and other things that would induce vomiting in the average Jane. To a certain point I had become desensitized. However, pregnancy just intensifies every scent. Ew.
2) Knowing too much. I've seen A LOT in my brief time in the Bronx. Things that I wasn't warned about in school. Things that I can't even explain to a lay person. Things that just shouldn't be in your head during the "happiest time of your life". It did bring me quite a bit of anxiety in the beginning of pregnancy, and I imagine will give me pause in my later months. The plus side of this is learning how to deal with anxieties as they come up, a practice in living in the moment.
3) Lack of sleep/Pregnancy brain makes me ineffective at work. There are certain nights that I'm up a hundred times for no reason. There are also days that, no matter how much sleep I've had, I just don't seem to be able to concentrate. This makes me slow at work and I often feel as though I'm missing details. Not a good combination at my job. Luckily, I have a great and understanding team. More on that later.
4) Getting light headed/dizzy when pushing with a patient. More than once I've had to sit during second stage and ask a resident or attending to stand by. My worst fear is falling face-first into someone's vagina because I fainted during pushing. This has taught me a lot though. I can ask for help. I need to breathe while the patient is pushing. I need to wait to put on the gown until the head is crowning, otherwise I get WAY too hot. Also, probably not a good idea to put my face at perineum level if I'm not feeling well. I'll just keep the bed unbroken, thanks.
5) Hunger kills. I cannot work long clinic or floor shifts without a bevy of snacks at the ready or I become a grouchy, incoherent fool. When the little girl is hungry I cannot put anyone else's needs ahead of hers, I MUST EAT. This is not a con so much, just an inconvenience. Gone are the days when I would work straight through my morning panel and into the afternoon and finish by five with all of my charts and billing done. Now I must eat breakfast upon arrival at the hospital (even though I ate at home), snack by 11, meal at 1, another snack at 3 and munch on something while I'm finishing up notes. Makes for a longer, slower day.
6) Assumption that it's easy for me just because I know a lot. Wrong. Pregnancy is still really, really weird to go through. Christian and I have had to have more than one discussion on why we should go to childbirth classes. Being a midwife doesn't make me magical. I still have to push this baby out like the rest of my patients and that is not something I have done before. That being said, I realize that most of it is instinct. Now if I could only turn off my brain...
The Pros of being a pregnant midwife:
1) Knowledge of easy relief for common discomforts. Kegels, my friend, are vital. I know that the pain on my side is common and not dangerous. I know that the having to pee every five minutes will return in the third trimester. I know which medications I can safely take without having to wait for my next appointment. This makes me feel more at-ease than I imagine I would be had I not studied pregnancy.
2) Amazing coworkers!! They are kind, sympathetic and experienced. Many are wise mothers themselves. I'm rarely allowed to lift things or stand too long at work. They are ridiculously excited about my expanding belly. They make me laugh. They make helpful suggestions. Nothing I say to them about my pregnancy symptoms or anxieties is weird. They ease my heavy load. I am eternally grateful to them.
3) Access to dopplers/sonos. Now, I don't make use of this one often, but I'll be honest: when especially concerned about Chio's well-being it is nice to be able to hear her heartbeat. It is less necessary now that I feel her moving, but in the first trimester I will admit to taking a listen. It was probably partly just to reinforce that I was really pregnant, not just psychosematically so. Christian and I made a pact that I would not find out the gender without him, but had I wanted to, I know my friends in sono would have hooked me up. I know more than one pregnant lady that would kill for access to this convenience. However, being a midwife also makes me cautious about overuse of sonos, so I didn't go nuts.
4) The Patients!! They are thrilled to share my pregnancy with me. They love hearing that I have the same symptoms they do. They all wanna know where I'm delivering, what the gender is, is my husband excited, how long I will work. They rub my belly and squeal like the rest of my friends. They tell me details and ask me intimate questions that they probably wouldn't ask if they didn't see me as "one of them". I finally have street cred! In addition, they are teaching me soooo much.
5) Freebies: from floradix to bio oil. I went to the ACNM conference at the perfect time!
6) Easy access to the latest research/journals and multiple medical opinions. I work with a lot of really intelligent people. Whoa.
So, there's a little glimpse into all the things that have been on my mind lately. I have to go eat now.
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